I forgot to refill my anti depressant and had to wait for a doctors authorization. It was the weekend and I had to wait for Monday.
Three days without my anti depressant, the anxiety was setting in.
I prayed to God : God I know You are the maker of all things. I know that You make this medication work, and I know that Your grace is sufficent for me. That these three days I will be able to continue without falling into depression.
That weekend I prayed the hardest, focused on God more than I had…and I WAS HAPPY…
Monday came rolling in, and the stress of my job and the anxiety of performing started to set in… I began to get irrational thoughts.
I knew I needed the medication but not for depression, but for anxiety and stress. Granted, most anti depressants work as anti anxiety. When I started taking them again, I felt calm and was able to just…work. But I felt dead.
When I was off them, I could feel every emotion. I could feel sadness at its highest and happiness in its glory. I felt like all my senses were alive. On the medication I felt stunted, dead, and foggy.
I started to forget to pray, because I did not feel the need to. That’s when I realized that if I was going to take these pills, I had to make an extra effort to make sure I pray.
I do not plan on being on the medication forever, and I know that God want’s me to be responsible and remember to take them everyday and refill them on time.
If one hand causes you to sin, cut it off, for it is better for you to enter the kingdom of heaven without one arm then for your entire body to be thrown in hell. –
I always refer to that verse when I take my medication. I may be losing something but if I keeps me rational and able to think about my actions before I do them, then I rather take them. Not continue to suffer and make poor choices because of it. Choices that lead me into sin, those actions we take to cope with anxiety and depression.