It’s been a couple days now and I can’t get you out of my mind
It’s you specifically, I thought about your smile
The way you absorb my words without looking at me
I know I am strange to you, you don’t understand why I am the way I am
We differ in brokenness
I find pleasure in mine, and you don’t know you have yours
See it’s this difference that makes us so different, but so the same
Something about me attracts you and something about you attracts me
It’s this opposite acknowledgement
See, I believe that you want to love yourself even if you were nothing
You want someone to embrace the failure in you
When I was with you, we communicated. It was different for you because you weren’t used to talking with someone so deeply.
Especially not someone of the opposite sex
You knew my fears because they were evident, as evident as I made them
The only difference is that I didn’t compromise.
I didn’t compromise my comfort for societal pleasures.
I rather be alone than have to put on a mask and go out into your world.
That is the sad part, that you will never accomplish anything like me
Because comfort will keep you where you are.
It is when you are uncomfortable that you are forced to change, to move, to excel
My friend, when I think about you it is all pleasure
But rest assured I did see past the lust
I saw how you struggled with having to be more than what you are
To keep up appearances
How the world around you forced you to be someone that you don’t know how to be.
I pity you, but when I think about you with my eyes closed I remember those nights
The passion, the lust, the anger, the confusion, the lack of understanding it was like a circus of emotions.
I never intended on claiming you, only using you.
For that I am so sorry because even now as I think about you, I just get off on your lust for me. I pretend in my mind that I care about you but I don’t. I want to use you, your body. I want to use those powers that I have as a female to manipulate you however I want to. I want to take out my anger with you. I don’t care about you…but I care about who you are.