These moments are reminding me that I am still blood of your blood

And goddammit I miss you

I know what you did because you did it to me and I know who you are because I am living through it

I remember the first thing I did was forgive you and even if I didn’t know what I meant it was a spiritual deliverance that would help me love you this way today

You will always be a part of me and until you die you will always be my father I see myself and I find you

I just wish that someone would tell me I’m not crazy for the way I think about you

That because I praise the good things you have done I’m not delusional

Because isn’t this the greatest expression of forgiveness

Isn’t this what the love of Jesus is? So why am I being brought down. Why can’t my my mother see that she can not leave you in the past as long as I am in her present. Why can’t she just remember the good things. Why isn’t she mature enough to see a wounded man incapable of doing what he once did.

Dear father,

I miss you and I wish I could speak to you face to face. I wish I could tell you how valuable you are in Gods eyes. I want you to understand that it is not too late to change. It is not too late to purify yourself and leave this earth in right standing with God. I want you to work hard to become better, to enjoy the last days of your life. Knowing that the past is in the past and that to move forward you must press on. I want you to know that you have a heart for God and that He knows it, and that He has not forgotten you. Dear father, Happy Father’s Day.

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