I long to know who I am again. In these moments of desperation I have lost all perspective. I am walking walking walking. I know where I am going and I know where I need to be. I am rummaging out of this closet that has confined me to a set of rules. I am elbowing out the heavy coats of dos and don’ts. I am looking for the door.
Alas! I reach the door. I open it and squint at the light. My eyes adjust and realize that I am face to face with a mirror. I look at myself and realize that I am human. I look at my eyes and see that there is sadness and wonder. I look at my mouth and realize it has been shut for too long. I look at my body and see frailty. I speak out….I see my mouth move but I am missing a tongue. No sound. The dark circles around my eyes reveal the torture that I have endured. I look back to the closet and wonder if I should go back in. I hear my family, the joyous laughter they have in each others company. I hear my loved ones content.
As I contemplate my next move, I hear a whisper. Like the movement of leaves on a windy day. I arch my head and neck forward to see if I can make out what it says. Suddenly I see a lighter on the floor. “Hello old friend,” I think to myself as I bend down to pick it up. When I get back up there is a sign on the closet door behind me, I can see it through the mirror. I quickly turn around to face it.
BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND!
Suddenly I hear a faraway chanter…
BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND!
I press my thumb against the lighter. A spark.