unjustified insult

Someone just told me that I was incomplete because I was not in a committed relationship, like marriage.

Then proceeded to tell me not to be insulted. If I was, it was because something inside me is not confident enough to not be shaken by those callous words.

I asked why it was not an insult and that person said because it’s okay to be incomplete….

  • incomplete means unfinished, missing a part, etc… or am I wrong? humanity is incomplete in the flesh. We are sinners and evil resides in us whether we want to believe it or not
  • HOWEVER….we are loved by God. in our brokenness He glorifies Himself and through Jesus we ARE complete. Every individual human being.

To all the single people out there, enjoy your singularity. Stay close to the Lord who can satisfy your every desire.

To all the people who are not married, or don’t plan on being married, hold out. Don’t compromise, strengthen yourself with Gods love, and let the Holy Spirit comfort you.

It’s scares me when people in the name of the Lord say these things. I want all of humanity to know that in Christ, they are complete. That no man or woman will fulfill you the way God does. marriage is a commitment, sex is a gift. Stay faithful to the Lord, he knows just what you need.

Quote 02

Life is the art of being well-deceived; and in order that the deception may succeed it must be habitual and uninterrupted.

-William Hazlitt, “On Pedantry,” The Round Table, 1817

Spousal privilege

We were always into rough sex, but I think this time he couldn’t, no…he chose not to see the difference between fantasy and reality. I’ll admit it now, I was scared. I was scared when he grabbed me by my neck with his right arm picked me up and slammed me to the floor.

 

I’m a warrior, there is no fear in me so…

 

I got up and pushed him away, looking him straight in the face, I was um… testing the moment. I felt like a child when he backed me into his room, still standing out in the hallway, as if he could put me into time out.

 

But, I was not a child.

 

I punched him and pushed him as I made my way back out of the room. He became angry with my defiant and seemingly brave new attitude. See, I was always submissive, it was part of our fantasy. He was rough and I was supposed to like it. So he grabbed me, pushed me inside the room and against the wall behind the door. He shut the door behind him. Just me and him alone in that dark room. The light from the television was the only thing that allowed us to look at each other. His hand found it’s way around my neck and his face came close to mine, almost touching..”what are you doing” he said, with his clenched jaw. He squeezed harder and harder on my neck asking me over and over again…”what are you doing”.

 

What was I doing?

 

I was giving him my deviant smile still not aware of the reality of the situation. I still felt pretty certain I could get away if I really wanted to. I was letting him play into his little fantasy. I was allowing him to do this, I rationalized in my head.

 

Even as the back of my head throbbed from him slamming me to the floor and wall.

Even as my breathing became shorter as he applied the pressure to my neck.

 

I was being bad, and he didn’t like it. He threw me onto the bed, my head hit the windowsill.

 

“Ow, **** you’re hurting me…,” I said.

 

If the window was the force to slap me into reality, it came full force and I knew I was done playing. But he wasn’t.

 

He didn’t catch the change in my tone of voice.

He didn’t catch how I stopped smirking and became serious

He didn’t catch how I sat straight up to rub my newly created head wound.

He didn’t catch that I called him by name.

He didn’t catch that my eyes turned soft as I looked up at him through the darkness.

 

Instead, like a wild animal pouncing on its prey, he came charging toward me.

to the girl who acts like a man

 

 

When I see you all I see is madness

the way you throw all your hair to one side

and walk around with your nose and chin up

how you raise a sweet eye and brow my way

but when you clench your jaw it throws me off

I can not understand why someone like you would be masking anger

am I the only one who sees it

you squint as you clench and chills goes down my spine

eventually tears stream down

because the madness I saw

was sadness

 

So many women I think, have to act like men. They have to masquerade as if they did not have a biological disposition to emotional reactions. You can see it in their behavior. You can see it by the way they carry themselves. Eventually though, they crack. Streams of loving water flowing from the windows of the soul. The beautiful thing about women though, is that the emotion that they could not contain, is actually fuel. Fuel that lights the fire to change, to hope, to power, and strength. Above everything you must do….Feel emotion….raw emotion. It does something to you, it creates change from the inside and overflows to everything around you. Don’t let society make you into a man, you are more than that….you are fully woman.

if someone could show me how to argue with God

What happens when you pray diligently for something

When you pray with all your might

When you have faith

and no one can trample on your hope

What happens when that prayer is ultimately denied

….what happens when God says ….no

How do you argue with God?

How do you ask Him, what are you doing? or why not?

Can I throw a tantrum please

Can I be angry at You

What happens when you fight with the silence

When youre throwing  your fists against the wind

every punch, you realize, is energy wasted

Because no one is responding and no one is comforting you

How can you yell at God for being so unfair

How can you tell Him you want an explanation

My prayer at one point was so convicting

I thought…wow, for sure this will come to pass

Now I am doubting

The veil of illusion swept off my face…

Finally in the present, I realize that I wasted all my focus and energy on this prayer

This prayer that You knew was not going to come to be!

I bet you were up there, shaking Your head at me

Poor daughter…she doesn’t even know what is to come

I just wish I guess, You could have warned me.

I just wish I guess, You would not have looked on as I foolishly prayed for something that was never going to happen

How am I not supposed to doubt now? Where do I draw my strength from now?

What happens when God says..no…is that He says NO

There is no adding to it, and no taking away from it. It is a simple no

And when my anger goes away I am still sad, but deep down I know that I have no where to turn to

I can not force myself to deny Your existence now.

I can not force myself to turn back to my old evil habits out of punishment to You

You don’t need my obedience…You want it.

And if I don’t give it…I am only hurting myself.

So tell me….what do you do when God says no?

You simple reply a very humble……okay.

Notes from a Sunday sermon

Context

Athens city of the gods

Given over to idols

Philosophers and intellectuals of his (Paul) day. 

“What do you want me to do Lord?”

Acts 16 last time he had a solid word from God

1 Corinthians 4

Paul is trying to get people to identify with his suffering

Acts 18:1-3

Paul goes from Athens to Corinth 

Paul had experience as a tentmaker

He had to work by day he wasn’t in ministry full time 

His work friends were a blessing from God

V. 4 ministry was on the sabbath

Persuading them- takes energy

There is a struggle going on

It’s becoming a daunting task

Constant restistence 

Constant opposition 

V.5 pressed in spirit 

Offering refreshed and released Paul to focus on his ministry

Pressed compressed packed …in spirit

V.6 met with more rejection from the Jews

Up until this point the Jews have been the focus of his ministry but he shook his garments gesture of repudiation and moved on to the gentiles

I shake off the guilt of your condemnation for rejecting Jesus. 

Do not give to dogs what is sacred do not cast your pearls to swine

Don’t stay in something that is hurtful and violent to our soul

If you do they will trample them under their feet and then tear you to pieces

Paul is saying I did my best and I am moving on and I will not be stuck in this unhealthy dynamic

God gives us the gift of goodbye

V.9-10 a year since Paul heard something solid from God but now the Lord comes in with a vision and prophetic word. Paul was AFRAID 

God knew Paul’s fears of his future 

I am with you…. says the Lord 

When they were unsure of their future God spoke these words to many of his people

Paul is learning of the enemy’s tactic

To keep you silent and take your words away

Because if the enemy can silence you he takes your essence and purpose away

If the enemy can silence you the next step is you would throw in the towel

Usually when we think we are alone we are not alone

V.12-13 remember the attack will not cause you harm

V.14-16 God uses the judge

V.18 Paul leaves Corinth and then returns to his home. 

Quote 01

Our ability to selectively engage and disengage our moral standards…helps explain how people can be barbarically cruel in one moment and compassionate the next. 

-Albert Bandura 

Excerpt

The Lucifer Effect

Phillip Zimbardo

…conditions that make us feel anonymous, when we think that others do not know us or care to, can foster antisocial, self interested behaviors.

Excerpt 02

Mere Christianity

CS Lewis

A man can eat his dinner without understanding exactly how food nourishes him. A man can accept what Christ has done without knowing how it works: indeed, he certainly would not know how it works until he has accepted it. 

Excerpt 01

Mere Christianity

C.S. Lewis

IF there was a controlling power outside the universe, it could not show itself to us as one of the facts inside the universe–no more than the architect of a house could actually be a wall or staircase or fireplace in that house. The only way in which we could expect it to show itself would be inside ourselves as an influence or a command trying to get us to behave in a certain way. And that is just what we do find inside ourselves.